Posts Tagged ‘tanning spray’


The "Golden Boy" vows to continue using his products, despite the Surgeon General's warning that doing so would only make him look like more of a douche.

House Minority leader John Boehner’s signature sunless tanning spray has been recalled by Naranja Skin Co. due a growing number of customer complaints.  The Republican representative’s Deep Orange MicroMist Tanning spray had enjoyed national success until numerous customers recently needed to be hospitalized because they suffered adverse effects from using the spray.   Thirteen people, in all, needed emergency care when continued use of the spray caused them to suffer severe skin rashes, uncontrollable diarrhea, and second degree burns.  Although the Naranja Skin Co. claimed the hospitalizations were isolated incidents, it issued a formal apology and has also called for an immediate recall of all sold and unsold product.  Boehner characterized Naranja’s recall as a precautionary move and stood by the products’ formula, claiming “hey look at me you don’t see me crapping my pants and my skin burning aint off neither!”

The most common side effects customers complained of was unexplained sensations of

"Yo niggee hit me up with a lil' spritz of that Boehnasty sheeet!!!"

"Yo niggee hit me up with a lil' spritz of that Boehnasty sheeet!!!"

elitism, and sudden bouts of douchy attitude.  These side effects were no secret to Boehner and Naranja as the products’ warning labels explicitly contained those very conditions. Boehmer explained, “when you look this good and tan, you can’t help but feel better than everyone, plus you aren’t afraid to let them know either.”

Originally marketed for middle aged men and women, Boehner’s spray surprisingly gained a loyal following amongst the 16-22 demographic, especially in the Philadelphia and New Jersey markets.  When word spread of the recall angry fans stormed local pharmacies looking to stock up on the potent spray.  “I can go a day without my Boehmer’s son, cause the honeys be loving my orangeness” said one area young man.  Prior to this weekend’s events Boehmer was rumored to be launching a highly anticipated extra strength version of his spray which he claimed to “make you look like an Umpa Lumpa in only one application guaranteed.”  No word yet if the hospitalized customers are seeking legal action or not.

More saatisfied Boehner customers….



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