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Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

  On a July 28 Fox News Show (above), Glenn Beck called President Obama a racist who has a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture,” then as if remembering the President was born to a white mother contradicted…err, rescinded his comment seconds later.  The damage was done because soon thereafter ColorofChange.org started calling for a boycott of his show, and apparently sponsors listened.  A large number of Beck’s sponsors have subsequently dropped him, which Beck has not taken lightly as supposedly he has been spending much of his off camera time alone crying in dark, musty stairwells.  How bad is he hurting?  Yesterday evil retailing giant Wal-Mart and seven other companies pulled their ads from his show.  Among the other 20 companies that have bailed on the blinkered Beck are:  GMAC Financial Services, Best Buy, CVS, Travelocity, Geico, ConAgra, RadioShack, Men’s Wearhouse, State Farm, Sargento Cheese and Procter & Gamble.

glenn-beck-goes-crazy-in-radio-show-pin-head-funny-comedy

WARNING: This content above is just another example of taking excerpts of statements without qualification(s). (Something you will not see me do to “izquierdistas” but something “izquierdistas” commonly practice – I am not saying Andy is an “izquierdista, but this is one of their tactics. The content below is downright hilarious, even considering how much of a conservatist I am. – Bobby Nz

Hundreds of Beck fans have voiced support for him on a counter-protest Web site, which urges consumers to boycott the advertisers who pulled out of Beck’s show.  Judging from Monday night’s broadcast, their efforts seemed to work as there were plenty of new sponsors eager to fill the ad slots, including the following notable companies:

Fucking Asshole Towing Co.

Fucking Asshole Towing Co.

Ashwipe Chimney Sweepers, Inc.

Ashwipe Chimney Sweepers, Inc.

Big Dick’s Halfway Inn Resort

Big Dick’s Halfway Inn Resort

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page0_blog_entry148_110. Everyone will have to participate in Civil War reenactments at least once a month as part of the Civil War Reserve.

9. Midgets/Dwarfs will be forced by the government to become the seeing eye-people for the blind. (either on leashes, or by sitting on people’s shoulders)

8. Government Healthcare is really a secret plan so that very poor actually become organ farms for the very rich.

7. Insurance coverage will be rationed depending on the results of an IQ test, the lower it is the less coverage you can expect.

6. If you have a beard and you like it, you can keep it.

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Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

I’ve had nightmares this day would come!! Unfortunately, that day has arrived.  Chuck Norris is after Obama….(seriously)…. to show him his birth certificate. The birthers’ dream of throwing the President out of office has now become a scary reality, if not an inevitability.  The birthers, if didn’t know, are a fringe group of crazies who insist that Obama show them his birth certificate on a daily basis, even though the birth certificate is readily available online.  These nutjobs pretend like they’ve never seen it before, despite the countless copies he and his staff hand out like fliers at town hall meetings, and the tons more they’ve thrown out of cars traveling in the President’s motorcade.  They inexplicably forget the surprise birthday party Obama threw for Birther leader Orly Taitz just two weeks ago in which the President, not only “made it rain” by dumping over 20,000 birth certificate copies on unsuspecting party patrons,  but he also went as far as printing the invitations on copies of his certificate too.  It’s like the movie Groundhog Day with these backwoods people.
They’ve been seen as a group of looneys, that is until today.  You see, Chuck Norris sent Obama a letter (written on newborn baby flesh) in which he demands that the President show him his birth certificate.
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=105767 Great!! Now these whackjobs have legitimate muscle behind them, just what we needed- WMDs ending up in the wrong hands.  Norris and the birthers create an unstoppable redneck-tarded Voltron-like force, the likes of which this country has never seen before.  When asked about the letter, Chuck responded by saying, “I’m going to see Obama’s name on some certificate by this Friday one way or another….if not his birth certificate then I’ll personally deliver his death certificate.”  Obama had recently started to treat the birther’s daily requests as a joke and posted these “authentic” birth certificates on the White House website:
obama-birth-certificate
ajacksond9
obama-birth-cert-real
Enlisting the help of Chuck Norris can only be seen as a decisive victory for the birthers, because when Chuck speaks – everyone listens…. to themselves die.  Birthers’ believe that Obama’s birth is a theory, much like Chuck Norris’ birth, except Chuck’s is known as the Big Bang. The government has not tried to hide its fear of Norris, as evident by the fact that he has never paid any taxes- even state sales tax.   Instead, Chuck sends them his 1040ez forms blank – with only a stapled picture of himself crouched in attack-mode.  Want another sign that Obama’s days are numbered in the white house?  Chuck is not only a racist, he invented it….after Mr. T beat him in Tic Tac Toe once.  However, this wouldn’t be the first time Norris ends the life of a President… back in 1963 he was responsible for killing President Kennedy.   Many people think JFK was assassinated, however excerpts from the Zapruder film clearly show that just as Oswald fired his rifle, Chuck deflected all three bullets with his beard.   JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

In a twist of irony, some are contending that the real reason Chuck Norris is getting involved is because he felt slighted, even disrespected by the absence of his name in the new Health Care Reform proposals.  Critics of the plan have pointed out that Norris’ name is not mentioned once in any of the proposals, despite simultaneously being the number one, three, and eight cause of death in this country. Just last week the President addressed the issue and said that, “Chuck is the ultimate pre-existing condition,” and said the industry practice of treating Norris as the big bearded killing machine in the room that no one wants to talk about, had to stop.” However, others think it was too late for Obama to reach out and the damage had been done. In the prophetic words of President Roosevelt… “We have nothing to fear except fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”

The 48th "certificate" claimed by the Birthers- a hieroglyphic picture detaling Obama's birth found inside ancient Egyptian pyramid.

The 48th "birth certificate" claimed by the Birthers is a hieroglyphic carving found inside an ancient Egyptian pyramid depicting Obama's birth. This is conclusive proof that Obama is not an U.S. citizen since it was clearly made prior to the U.S. being founded.

Some extra Chuck jokes:
Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t consider it sex if the woman survives
Chuck was born in a cabin deep in the woods….. that he built with his own hands.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

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